Documenting Delight: day two hundred and sixteen {missing}

Forty four days from this project, this blog, are missing. If you know me personally you would know that when I commit to something I will (generally) see it through. When I started this photographic project, Documenting Delight, I knew it would be the same. I was starting it therefore I would finish it. But then six weeks ago we were broken into and the steady momentum I had going, stopped.

Approaching our front door to see it kicked in, I immediately knew my camera was gone. I stood in my lounge room and spun around to catalogue the missing items; laptop, flat screen TV, my camera, lenses. Gone, gone, gone. Once I ticked these items off I ran to my desk to sight my external hard drive. If it was there, I would be ok. But it wasn’t. Three and a half years of memories were stored in that little black box. Suffice to say I spent the next few hours sobbing, occasionally gaining enough strength to cry out “The photos, the photos.”  As someone who has made it a compulsion habit to document the big and the small moments in our family’s life, losing all those 1000s and 1000s of photos…well it broke me a little.

All the other stolen items was just “stuff”. I realised that straight away. While Finn and Harper stood in front of the empty entertainment cabinet crying “Where’s the TV? But where is the TV?” *  I didn’t mourn these things. They could be replaced, but the photos, they were gone in a very permanent way.

Over the next few days the missing photos swamped my thoughts. In quieter moments throughout the day I would make mental lists of the photos that were gone. It got a little compulsive and by my third sleepless night I put an end to it. They were gone. It was sad and disappointing but the situation wasn’t changing.

Of coarse this experience wasn’t just about the missing photos. My attention was also drawn to the insurance claim, a sudden fear for our security within our new home and what the loss of my camera and our laptop meant for this project.

I also learnt a lot and gained a lot during this period too. I accepted that even though I can’t physically see those photos, I was there, I was with my children during those moments and isn’t that the true privilege?

I realised that while I had a massive collection of photos, apart from sitting on my computer and external hard drive, what was I going to do with them? Were they ever going to become something more than files? This experience has made me more determined to be purposeful with the photos I take. Do something with the images; blog them, print them, frame them, make photo books with them. Just do something with them.

Lastly, although I was hugely disappointed to put this photo a day project on hold, I gained a break. A break that allowed me to be completely present with Finn and Harper. No moments where I was engaged in play with them, then had to make a mad dash to grab the camera. No worrying about how and when I would capture the daily photo. No pressure to upload, edit and blog about said photo. No quick checking of Facebook/emails on my laptop (which was quite frankly happening a little too often). Basically, all of that buzzing interference that was swamping me was halted and it felt good.

Maybe I am just trying to justify what was a pretty sucky situation but hand on my heart I am grateful for all of these things.

I have missed this blog, missed using my camera, missed sharing the fun, kookiness and challenges that Finn and Harper bring to this household with you and I have missed my lovely blogger friends.

Rather than focusing on the missing days I choose to see this post as the start of Part Two of my project. Hope you can come along as I start this new adventure.

*Don’t fret, Lachie quickly hooked up an old TV we had our back shed (a TV I had been bugging him to dispose of for weeks and weeks). Once it was sitting on top of the cabinet, the crying ceased and life for Finn and Harper was quickly restored (kids!)

I must acknowledge and thank our friends and family who have supported us during this time. Your understanding and help during this time has made this time so much easier. To Lachie’s family who showed so much concern and thoughtfulness (seriously Rhone, how could we ever thank you enough for what you gave us in lieu of our stolen laptop?), my lovely family who listened and listened to my sad phonecalls about the lost photographs and fully understood how much it all meant to me. To Kate, Andi, Angie – thank you for reaching out . Thank you to all the fellow Documenting delighter’s who showed so much concern when they heard my news. Really, thank you.

{a quiet morning with my quiet guy}

{oh mum i see you have your camera back. ....no,no i'm not rolling my eyes}